I've been challenged lately to find my mission. What is it that I'm here to do? What is it that I'm here to make better? What will my impact be 100 years from now? And this message just keeps coming up over and over again.
Autism.
I used to hate the word. Everything it represented. Temper tantrums and melt downs. Lack of communication. Withdraw. Social awkwardness. The looks and stares. The judgmental looks and misunderstanding. The constant explanations. The hidden genius. The extra attention. The OCD. The constant... just the CONSTANT. Driving to work some days in tears yelling to no one in particular "this is not what i signed up for!" The word used to be so ugly. And somewhere along the line it became not so ugly.
Autism isn't my enemy. I cannot hate autism. Autism is my mission - it's what I'm called to. You can't HATE what you're called to!!! I'm not here to fight AGAINST autism. I'm here to fight THROUGH it. To help my boy find his way through it. To help other moms find the strength and courage to find their way through it. I'm not an enemy - I am a ninja - by a very special definition that few will understand: I am the Samurai warrior with the gift of laughter. My job is to go behind enemy lines and create a joy that will knock out those who aren't ready for it.
There are a number of people out there called to fight against autism - who understand all the vaccination stuff and biomedical blah blah blah (I'm pretty sure that's a technical term, btw). I'm not that guy. I really would like to be that guy because those guys are amazing. But for now - I'm not. And it's about time that I own that.
Someone told me this week that you cannot work to solve a problem at the same level at which it was created - once energy is invested into it, the problem grows. The only way to fix it is to approach it at a different level. Just tonight i got thinking of what that means for me and autism. Something went hinkey with AJ physically. That's all I know. Something went all wackadoodle in his system biologically and things just arent normal. I mean... sorry for his luck with any hopes of coming out normal with the genetics he got stuck with anyway, but none of us saw this coming. But he's exactly who God made him to be. But to help AJ become his best self, there's some work to be done - just like with all of us. But after all the energy that has been invested by his poor little body on what's been happening, we have to approach it at a bigger level. Fighting fire with fire just creates a bigger fire. We need to be fighting fire with water. Biomedical treatments alone aren't going to do it. There is an element of that, but there's so much more.
I know what I have that works for me and my family. I love sharing what I have and I hope you'll take the time to get to know it. Visit my webpage www.thebestofyourlife.myarbonne.com for some of my story and to learn a little more. I also host live presentations a few times each month for anyone who's interested. But that's not what this is about. That is part of what was revealed to me during my run, but that's a very small part.
Someone told me that a great tool in positive thinking is asking yourself the right questions. Your brain is going to respond and make real whatever you ask of it, so I gave it a try today. So I asked myself "How am I running so fast?" and my brain responded "Because you are strong." "How am I able to run so far?" and my brain responded "because you are strong." "how have I not thrown up yet?" Seriously - it's a practice. I'm not perfect. But a word of advice - don't ask yourself this question. Your body will respond with a gag reflex. No bueno. But I just kept running. And the more I ran - the more tired I got (duh) but the stronger the urge to just keep running. The run became a metaphor for my journey of self discovery. I kept asking "How am I still running?" and the answer came "because Thy word is a lamp unto my feet". "Why am I still running so fast?" and the answer came "because the God works all things together for those who love him." "How am I not tired?!" "because you are called according to His purpose." "How am I still running?!" "Get through the valley! He makes me lie down in green pastures." As I ran, the rhythm of my feet became the words "Stronger. Faster. Resilient." I immediately knew what it meant.
There's a long, LONG road ahead of me. And parts of it are a loop that make me push and push to end up pretty much where I started - only stronger and ready to take it a third time. But it doesn't matter. The course is measured out. It's short. It's fleeting. And I wont be tired at the end of it. I'll be damn tired in the middle of it - sometimes aching for rest and a break even for a minute. And maybe the break will come and I'll get to walk instead of run. Maybe I'll run into a mailbox (i mean...not that I've ACTUALLY done that... more than once...) and a break will come in the form of being carried. But there's no real break here. There's families out there hurting and hurting BAD because of nothing they did intentionally and because they don't understand what happened. There's families out there looking for a group of people who understand them and know that what's happening isn't their fault. There's people that need to know, most importantly - it's not the end of the world! And I'm THAT guy.
I dont know what to tell people when they ask if they should or shouldn't vaccinate. I tell them to visit www.vaxtruth.org and read up. I don't know what to tell people a lot of the time about MOST things! I'm working on that. But what I do know is how to love the run down mom and the overactive kiddos. For them, I'll work every day to be strong. fast. resilient.
FOOTNOTE: I apologize for the lack of coherent transitions. I gave them up - along with gluten.
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